Thinking about losing friends

I'm not really sure why I wrote this, or why it got more abstract as I went. I hope it finds you well.

I have been feeling pretty unsure about best friend recently. After the breakup I tried to distance myself to make sure everything ended fairly and he could choose whoever he wanted.

Honestly I was not sure why he would pick her over me, or over anyone for that matter but now looking back I can see how he isn't choosing anything. With me. With her. With anyone.

After the breakup he came down and we hit the town. We drank and got stupid and he tried really hard to get my mind off of her. He assured me that he would choose me every time. He assured me that anything I went through was too much and he was sorry for not seeing things sooner.

Now I'm not so sure.

She has a real way of moving through life and asking for, getting, claiming, and falling into whatever she wants. He has shown with his old friend that he is more willing to be uncomfortable than deal with the issues at hand, or confront the problem his old friend is hiding from.

These two people, and these two personality traits have combined into the perfect emotional irritant to inflame my self doubt.

I feel helplessly in the middle of a dance I tried desperately to stay on the sideline of. I'm backing away from her as fast as I can but she is waltzing ever closed to best friend who seems unable to say no to the song she sings.

In the corner unable to leave.

My date has abandoned me, my ride has left, my shirt and face are stained dark with wrinkles from the night.